13 Weeks

13 weeks.

That was the time we had with our baby. 13 short weeks before we knew that the Lord had taken this precious child home to be with Him. When we saw the first positive pregnancy test, we were filled with joy and disbelief. We had been trying for so long and the Lord had opened the womb in His time. We saw our baby at 8 weeks, saw the heartbeat. Yet, at some point between then and April 4, 2026, God took our baby home. To say we are grieving would be an understatement.

Something we have done since we were dating, was to sing the Doxology when we get good news and when we get bad news. As we held the tiny body of our baby and cried, we chose to praise God. It was one of the hardest things we have had to do. Why did this happen? Why did God choose to take this baby home to Him? Why Lord?

At some point during the morning as we lay in bed and grieved, Jesse looked up Hebrew names that mean gift from God. There were a lot of names that were one gender or another, but we did not know if our baby was a boy or a girl, so we didn't feel like they were the right names. I saw one and thought it could go either way, so I looked it up further. This name could mean gift from God, but it could also mean God asks. I looked at Jesse and said, "God asked for our baby back." Our baby's name is Shaiel (Shy-el). "The Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord." Job 1:21b

There have been many hard times since we lost the baby. A visit to the ED because I was getting lightheaded and more symptomatic from blood loss (shoutout to Jesse's coworkers who took good care of us and checked in on us while we were there!). Burying the tiny body. Going to a follow up appointment that had been previously scheduled for an initial prenatal visit but had been changed because we were no longer pregnant. Having to take meds for my body to finish doing its job. Jesse having to go back to work and working nights. Going back to work for the first time 1 week after the loss. Putting away the few baby things we got/had been given. Going places where we had been shortly before we lost the baby and knowing the last time we had been there, I had been pregnant. My first Mother's Day as a Mom.

But there have also been so many blessings. Being able to go to church on Resurrection Sunday the day after the loss and meditate on the fact that Christ conquered death and we have hope for the future. The many friends and family who have supported us through this trial. And the peace that God has given us through all of this. He has held us as we have grieved and He continues to hold us as we continue on in life without our child here.

God is good. Praise His Name!